Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you.
(“Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle)
It’s always been my dream and desire to be a stay at home mom. To raise babies. To teach them at home. Make crafts. Play. Read. And watch their imagination grow. I know this isn’t for everyone, but for me, it’s what I’ve always imagined. My husband’s dream is to own his own business as a coffee roaster. Maybe eventually even open his own coffee shop.
Instead, I work full time as a teacher. He’s starting his business, but also filling the role as stay at home dad. I sometimes feel the pressures of the world caving in around me…What our roles “should” look like. When and where our child should go to school..and he’s not even a year!
Starting a business is no easy task. Being at the mercy of someone else’s timing is not for the faint at heart. Our patience has been tested and tried. We continue to play the waiting game. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love teaching. I enjoy my students. Yet I long to be home with my baby. I long for my husband to be fully immersed in what he loves and dreams of doing.
But when I come home, after a long day of attitude, drama, and pre-teen hormones, and I see Silas kick and squeal with excitement to see me… when I watch him chase after his Dada and pull up on his legs to play piano…or giggle and squeal when we chase him and play peekaboo… when I see the love and bond my husband and son have for each other…I’m grateful. I think of kids who don’t have fathers around, or a father who is “too busy” for them… and I’m grateful that my son has the most devoted father. This rare opportunity to be by his side day in and day out…To have a role model who isn’t afraid to chase his dreams…I’m grateful. It’s not easy. But it’s where we are. It’s what God has for us in this season of our lives. Knowing that we have our Mighty Warrior fighting for us, never leaving our side, keeps us going. We find rest in Him. We place our trust in Him. We lay our hopes and dreams at His feet. And we don’t give up.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.